A difficult point to write about unless we have truly felt its presence. It is frustrating and always seems to be getting in the way. Distraction, there are times it is what we seek, and of course as for pretty much everything in this world the flip side, it charms us away when we least want it.
I guess the question to ask is not whether it seeks us, but rather how strongly we desire it when we least want it. I know this sounds rather absurd, but think about it.
I imagine myself sitting by the side of a window on a beautiful Sunday afternoon, a long time since I got a chance to just spend some quite time with myself. Sitting there contemplating about the purpose of life and looking beyond the mundane activities of the day. Feeling a sense of enthusiasm and determination in meeting life to really embark on a journey to seek myself (whatever that it!). And POOF! “distraction”, the form is not important, it presence is sufficient.
It is almost midnight that I am thinking about i. In retrospect, it feels as if there was no commitment in that thought. The sense of seeking purpose in life is but a sham. Just a glorified thing to talk about with when I get a chance to fool myself into getting a false sense of accomplishment in spiritual playgrounds of life.
Have you ever felt it?
2 responses so far ↓
amandancr // March 29, 2009 at 2:07 AM |
For me, what I feel the vast majority of the time in this situation is a sort of fizzling out – I start hopeful and “end weakly”. Nothing in and of itself distracts me, but the power of the search seems diminished suddenly.
I start feeling what you mentioned, motivated to “find myself”, and seem to make some strides. But then the feeling just loses its momentum and (somewhat quickly) dies off. That is, of course, until some time later when the desire to seek returns, and I repeat the process again. But I don’t necessarily find it a worthless endeavor. Exhausting, yes. Discouraging at times, sure.
I honestly can’t say whether or not it is in fact a sham. I just don’t know. All I can seem to reply is that no matter how worthless I feel it may be, I can’t seem to stop seeking.
-Amanda
avemuri // March 29, 2009 at 3:49 AM |
I agree, the process is not a sham. Definitely it is exhausting. It is not the process that is important from what I believe, but the thought which motivates this process which is important.
On a lot of occasions the pursuit of purpose in life and self discovery, I found is guided by a thought for appreciation and a very deep desire for acceptance from people around myself. It is this process guided by such a thought which is direction less and which I term as a sham.
It is not the process of seeking that I call a sham, but, let me explain it this way.
I think that I am seeking, I tell every one I am seeking, but my deeds betray both my words and thought. When the thought, word and deed are not in harmony, the entire process is just a show. It is just a veil that I have created to suit my actions. It is this that I called a sham.