The company one keeps determines one’s character. People join groups where they can freely express their innate nature. You must carefully choose the company you are in. Consider this example: A length of string is a worthless thing, no one will wear it in the hair or place it reverentially on an idol of God. But, when it associates itself with a few fragrant flowers, then women decorate their hair with it and devotees place the garland of flowers on the idol they adore.
Categories: Quotes
The confusions of today pave way for the questions of tomorrow. How does one go about seeking an answer to his questions? What does he use as a guide to direct his thinking? The scriptures and Swami talk about an inward inquiry. The voice of the divine spark in us speaks to us in the silence of the surroundings and the heart. Yet one needs the courage to seek this answers.
What do we seek? Peace is a camouflage given to a much deeper need for attention, success and prosperity in some and something else in others. How then does one understand the play of thoughts? The Yoga Vasishtha calls fate is a play of self-effort or lack of it thereof. To seek something a desire needs to develop. To fight for it, a motivation and a strong sense of prompting must be there. Over the last four years of my life, this sense of desire has gone haywire. It is not that I don’t have any desires, but they seem completely contraditary to my inner promptings. They seem to cloud my judgement about the truth about my understanding of life and abilities given to me in this life.
I have so far hurt my Self so much, that I doubt the intelligence give to me by G_D. Swami has been the once source of strength in this life. Unfortunately, I am constantly making efforts to go contrary to what He says. After the initial few visions of His presence around me, I have not had any more chances of seeking His presence. The native american book talks about special efforts to be made for days or even months before the medicine men could get visions of the future. It is as if He speaks through these words telling me, that I have fallen very deep into the ways of the world of late and need deep spiritual exercises before getting His vision. It is not the boon of material, but the gift of His presence which gives peace and happiness. Rest is mere show and lip service.
Categories: Life
How much ever I try not to make a decision, I keep coming back to it. Things are pretty simple as they stand for most of us. But added the mental conditions and desires, things get too complicated. I stand today on the crossroads of building a career. I seem incapacitated on most occasions to choose. I was complaining to Swami (spiritual Master), choose something for me, I will do as you wish, but relieve me from this burden of this illusion of deciding my fate. But what am I to do when I cannot see His grand plan? Where am I to look for advice when the situation demands an action? They (don’t know who) say gamble and chance (pretty much the same thing) is a part of life. But one gambles when one knows what they want. Its like gambling on a gamble, meta-games in economic theory.
I feel currently incapacitated by my lack of foot-hold in life. When people praise others, I almost feel equivalent to them defaming me. I who has no backing of good references, who has pretty much a neutral opinion about myself, cannot see today as any different from tomorrow. Every single day lacks a motivation to do something. It is as if, just a part of life that makes no sense and is coming and going as a routine. I know I will keep thinking about it this way till there is someone who feeds my belly, gives me a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head. The moment I am on my own, when there is no one to look after this body reality will strike, the same way it struck when I was unceremoniously kicked out of UCF Economics program.
People dont know how lucky they are when there is someone to fall back on to and take care of them in times of crisis. I for one know how much for granted I take my mom and dad. I see the pain they go through even today, when I should take care of them. I have advertently brought suffering to many people I know. Unfortunately, I feel hapless in my thinking. There are so many avenues that come to mind, but I dont know what I want to do. More than that, I dont know what I “should” do.
Unfortunately the dilemma does not end there, questions just keep piling up in my head as to, whether I gotta ask “should or want”. The question stems from the basic inquiry about life’s choices. That is if they are made for you already or are they made here through the options presented in front of us. If I am here for a certain desire to be fulfilled, if so then what is it? If I can just find out about it I will follow it wholeheartedly. Then, if I am here to fulfill that desire, what about all the other desires I have formed for myself. Are they part of the things that need to be fulfilled too before I am content spiritually. Should I just chuck them all and get into something that slowly but surely eliminates all these desires and brings back Me (to me) without all these questions, just peace and contentment. If that is the case, then what if whatever I get into, I am not able take care of my family. What if they are saddened by this affair and I become a cause for their agony. Beyond all that “Does all this matter?”
If anyone is reading this (very unlikely), and is very confused about it, then you can multiply that confusion ten times and imagine the state of my head right now. LOL, but trust me it is the most happening place on earth right now.
Categories: Life
The most sought after, the most debated and the most violent topic in life. Right from our birth we oppose and fight, argue and break, just for establishing to ourselves, the existence of free will. The system of Democracy was built around this so called free will. War for independence has been fought in the name of free will. People struggle in their lives, earn money, gain positions of power in order to establish their power of free will.
Today I fight a similar battle, with the desire to establish myself in this family. With a desire to have a position of responsibility and say in this family. At the same time be able to choose my career through free will. I who has struggled with failures over the past three years, trying to establish my free will, have learnt one thing. What ever it is, its nature is like that of sand. The more I try to grab on to it, the more it slips away. I have learnt that I dont fully comprehend the meaning of free will, pride can sometimes disguise it self as a desire for free will.
Categories: Life
I sometimes think of these very interesting names and themes to write about. But never seem to be happy with the justice I do with them. However, today was slightly different; I started today thinking about the phone interview with the research guy at GE. It is on friday and I know in my heart I am not prepared. Every word I read and try to understand I feel I am trying to be a liar. I want it so bad that I feel this is the only opportunity for me to redeem my past. A chance to accept responsibility.
I sense how mindful I am of the opportunities and benefits this position presents, the dreams and aspirations, the pride. But it is only in mindlessness can I get peace and contentment I seek.
Categories: Life
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