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Every change brings with it a anticipation, excitement and anxiousness. Today is one of those anxious days. There is a lot set to change in my life in the next year. Things I am not sure I am prepared for, but there is no way to find out. However, every little bit of hiccup in this process is troubling me. Like it has become a chain of problematic events in life. But these seem to invisibly collude to create wall of defiance against these changes. Of course the change will come. It is the constant of life. But these barriers which are not physical, have awakened the restlessness of the mind. I feel no-way to offer any perspective on this matter because these are one of the crests and troughs of life that one has to deal with. I am going to try to enlist all the problems as they stand without naming anybody.

Future unsettled. Today as it stands, I am “supposed” to be joining for phd after the end of my work here. But as it so happens, the matter is yet to be resolved. Does anyone with an ounce of sense quit a job in this economy without actually properly setting the path for the next step. I have been waiting for confirmation for over two months and all I know is that it is definite only by the word of mouth, one that has no significance,  no value. I wish I had the tact to tell the people involved to please hurry and not cause my blood pressure to sky rocket.

And on the matter of a generous donation to the Taiwan government. Recently, I was informed that the matter of taxes is not completely settled. In order to extend my work application for a couple of weeks I was required to get a document from the Taiwan tax office stating that I am paying my taxes, which is in fact being deducted by my employer directly. Apparently, I have money that amounts to about 20K in excess tax collected by the government over the last two years. I am informed about it four weeks before I am going to leave the country. I don’t know if I should curse myself for being so indifferent and ignorant or should I yell at the financial office which failed to explain to me the process when I arrived. With all the work that has been mounted on my head now, by default it would be converted into a generous donation to the Taiwan government. Either I am utterly stupid or in extremely philanthropic state of mind this month.

Yet another donation to the Taiwan government. Thanks to my intense planning, all my tasks are beginning to get delayed. Couple of days back I went to extend my work permit by a couple of weeks. All the process was okay until today when I received this incredible email from my colleague that I am late by a day and have to pay an extra 2K for processing. It is beyond belief that when it was not something that I had to do that caused the delay, yet I have to bear the consequences for it.

Publications. Journal papers grow on trees. Yes, they do. That’s how we select the choice of our paper before plucking and sending to a publishing house. Although I am not critical about it, but my last month has been swamped on trying to find the right tree with my choice of journal paper. I am actually in denial that my incomplete research will have to be published before I leave. However the upside for this has been that I am forced to think about how to publish when working. Which although is not a good process for research but great for my resume. But I wish that I was actually happy when writing the paper.

Relations at work. Things that should not be my concern are beginning to cause irritation. I always believed that relationship between people is not my concern. Of late one of such a situation has caught my eye and is troubling me. Although it is sometimes better to deal with the persons involved directly. But I cannot understand how. I have tried to avoid it but I am angered when talking to these people. I wish I did just left it alone and forget about it with time. But I feel more angry when people act that they are being discreet when one can see subtle events happening.

I don’t wish that anyone comment or think about this too much. But although things are not always the way they seem, connecting all the problems make it a huge problem. Cannot deny that some of these are out of my control. I only pray that I get back to my routine of meditation and focus on things that are important.